faking it

Yeah, I know what you were thinking when you read the title of this post. Put your dirty minds to rest this time folks, for this post I am going to talk about my fake engagement.

Yup, that's right, yours truly has been presented with the ugliest fake engagement ring my man could find on the internet. I've even worn it around. People have asked me if I've actually gotten engaged. The answer is no. So why do you ask does a gal get her man to buy her a fake ring? The answer is simple - free food.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is in the process of planning her (real) wedding. She and I were chatting over the Christmas break about how her plans were coming along and she told me about the lovely tasting she and her fiance had at a catering hall. I mentioned the conversation to my man later that night and he had the brilliant idea that we could go and have free tastings too. I mean, it's not like anyone will know plus people change their plans and call off weddings all the time. And thus, our diabolical plan was hatched. The ring was ordered, I registered myself on theknot.com and started calling around for appointments for tastings for my "fiance" and I.

Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. It seems every catering hall I've spoken to refuses to do a tasting until AFTER a contract is signed and a deposit is put down for the event. Now, on the one hand I can see how they want to prevent moochers like myself from getting free food, but if I were actually planning a wedding, I would not commit to paying tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding banquet if I am not absolutely positive I like the food! I am a foodie!!! Quality and taste are essential! It drives me nuts to think if I were to have a real wedding (which I won't because if and when I do get married I am totally eloping) I might get stuck with lousy overcooked filet mignon on my guests' plates.

Cake tastings have been a completely different kind of disappointment. Bakeries actually do offer free tastings, but the all cakes on the whole taste like chalk!!! Sure, they LOOK pretty, but I don't care half as much about what the cake looks like as I care how good it tastes. Cake is the reason I wake up in the morning. It would have to be a bitter cold day in a hell filled with pigs flying out of monkey's butts before I would be able to hold my head up next to a crumbly dry cake covered in nasty fondant at any party I throw.

In conclusion, if you are a foodie like me, I've learned that wedding planning is quite challenging and frustrating. Maybe if you enlist the help of a wedding planner, they can better facilitate the free tastings, but as far as I am concerned, the wedding industry sucks and just wants to milk you for every dollar they can. Shame on you!

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