Check out my new blog!

I started a new blog with a snarky tone, very different from the earnestness of this one. Check it out, I do hope you will enjoy it!

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It's just like FarmVille, only real!

Hello all! I know I have been quite remiss in updating my blog in the past few months, my deepest apologies to all my lovely readers. Rejoice, for I am back and better than ever! So sit back, relax and enjoy more recaps of the hilarity that is my life.

This past weekend, I dragged my extremely accommodating man with me on my favorite activity of the year - pumpkin picking day (or PPD for short)! Now, bear in mind that "pumpkin picking day" is merely a euphemism for a self-indulgent photo shoot to be conducted in fields of bright orange produce. When I wake up the morning of PPD each year, I actually plan the colors of my outfit so as to not clash with the majestic backgrounds of pumpkins and haystacks. This year, my outfit was a very strategically casual and classic plain white t-shirt with jeans and white with a hint of pink Adidas shell toes. A truly inspired fashion choice for the day, if I do say so myself.

While I love spending time with my boyfriend regardless of what we are doing, PPD is an especially important activity for us to engage in together as I need to bring along a photographer. Obviously, my poor bf gets stuck with this job whether he likes it or not. ;) Well, we had a fabulous time in the pumpkin patch and I must say, I was thrilled with the results from this year's PPD photo shoot extravaganza!


Now, even more fun than posing myself amongst the pumpkins is posing my dogs with pumpkins! I didn't take them with me to the farm because I assumed they would be forbidden to enter. Only after I got there did I find other people roaming the fields with their dogs in tow and boy was I mad I'd left little Bruno and Melody home! However, I bought some pumpkins to bring home and set up a little shoot with my pups on our patio. I thought I did a pretty good job of posing them. What do you think?

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a new addition to the family

No, I am not knocked up. But I am very pleased to welcome a new member to my ever growing family! Allow me to introduce my new pup, a 2-3 year old lhasa apso/shih tzu mix I have named Melody.



Melody started out a foster dog in my home, but I was so touched by her, I decided to adopt her myself. She and Bruno get along swimmingly, as you can see below.



The only problem here is my man categorically does not like small dogs. He loves Bruno and treats him like his little buddy, but does not consider Bruno "small" (to that point, Bruno weighs in at a hefty 24 pounds, and even I would say he straddles the boundary in size between small and medium). He makes all sorts of allowances and excuses for Bruno but is refusing to be open to giving poor Melody a chance. Have any of you out there ever faced a problem like this with your significant other? How can I get my man to accept my new doggie? Suggestions welcome!

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faking it

Yeah, I know what you were thinking when you read the title of this post. Put your dirty minds to rest this time folks, for this post I am going to talk about my fake engagement.

Yup, that's right, yours truly has been presented with the ugliest fake engagement ring my man could find on the internet. I've even worn it around. People have asked me if I've actually gotten engaged. The answer is no. So why do you ask does a gal get her man to buy her a fake ring? The answer is simple - free food.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is in the process of planning her (real) wedding. She and I were chatting over the Christmas break about how her plans were coming along and she told me about the lovely tasting she and her fiance had at a catering hall. I mentioned the conversation to my man later that night and he had the brilliant idea that we could go and have free tastings too. I mean, it's not like anyone will know plus people change their plans and call off weddings all the time. And thus, our diabolical plan was hatched. The ring was ordered, I registered myself on theknot.com and started calling around for appointments for tastings for my "fiance" and I.

Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. It seems every catering hall I've spoken to refuses to do a tasting until AFTER a contract is signed and a deposit is put down for the event. Now, on the one hand I can see how they want to prevent moochers like myself from getting free food, but if I were actually planning a wedding, I would not commit to paying tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding banquet if I am not absolutely positive I like the food! I am a foodie!!! Quality and taste are essential! It drives me nuts to think if I were to have a real wedding (which I won't because if and when I do get married I am totally eloping) I might get stuck with lousy overcooked filet mignon on my guests' plates.

Cake tastings have been a completely different kind of disappointment. Bakeries actually do offer free tastings, but the all cakes on the whole taste like chalk!!! Sure, they LOOK pretty, but I don't care half as much about what the cake looks like as I care how good it tastes. Cake is the reason I wake up in the morning. It would have to be a bitter cold day in a hell filled with pigs flying out of monkey's butts before I would be able to hold my head up next to a crumbly dry cake covered in nasty fondant at any party I throw.

In conclusion, if you are a foodie like me, I've learned that wedding planning is quite challenging and frustrating. Maybe if you enlist the help of a wedding planner, they can better facilitate the free tastings, but as far as I am concerned, the wedding industry sucks and just wants to milk you for every dollar they can. Shame on you!

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2008 Year in Review

2008 was a very good year for me - I finished grad school, landed the job I wanted, got a boyfriend and most importantly, adopted a dog! Looking back on the year as a whole, I couldn't have asked for a better one! I looked back in my blog at my list of goals I set out to accomplish in 2008 last year around New Year's. Below is that list, and my commentary on the progress toward achieving these goals.

1. Steal Tony Romo away from Jessica Simpson - still striving
   
2. Get into the best shape of my life by my 30th birthday - epic fail
   
3. Nail my crush, because school is almost over and all bets are off - beyond epic fail
   
4. Spend more time doing makeup and hair so as not to look like I just rolled out of bed all the time - hair possibly looks cuter, but makeup is a fail
   
5. Marry Gerard Butler and/or Edward Norton - still striving
   
6. Get really cool job that pays boatloads of money - half achieved - cool job, but lacking boatloads of money
   
7. Take a killer vacation upon graduation - epic fail because I ran out of funds
   
8. Clear the clutter out of my house and get organized - achieved after I first moved in my new apartment, but disarray is now back with a vengeance
   
9. Improve my surfing/rock climbing/snowboarding/golfing/dance technique/Guitar Hero skills - bad year for surfing due to rotator cuff issues, climbing progress has been slow, did become a better snowboarder (in spite of snowboarding off a cliff), epic fail on logging time on the green, been very good about attending dance class, and I still suck at GH
   
10. Spend more time hanging out with friends in real life and less time on Facebook - epic fail
    
11. Find a better outlet for my creative urges - still striving, new found Hello Kitty obsession actually helping with inspiring creativity
    
12. Try not to sabotage myself and be open to the possibility someone might actually just like me for me - success!
    
13. Get my grubby paws on Trojan football season tickets!!!!!!! - epic fail due to extremely long waiting list

Hmmm, though I seemingly have had an overall disappointing year based on this list I am clearly very happy with how 2008 played out for me. Therefore, in 2009 I resolve to appreciate all the amazing things I have, and to cherish all the unexpected wonders that lie ahead. :)

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sexcation

There's nothing quite like a good day of having nothing on the agenda but sex. If you've never had a sexcation, I highly recommend it. It was breathe new life into any relationship and it doesn't cost a dime! Here's what you do. Take the day off. Allow for no distractions. Only leave bed for food and bathroom breaks. Trust me, it's totally worth it.

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the drive-by pickup?

Yesterday, I left my usual Sunday afternoon dance class especially sweaty and disheveled. As I was on my way home, I stopped at a red light. I turned my head and saw a guy driving a black car 2 lanes over smiling and nodding at me. I turned away. I turn my head again and he is still smiling and nodding. Now I'm wondering what's going through this guy's head. I can't possibly look remotely attractive since I'm all sweaty and nasty. Does he think I'm desperate or something, like I'm just waiting for my dream man to pull up in his beat up old Corolla and whisk me away? Does he think he's going to get me to toss him my number through his open window? Does he think I'm going to just get up out of my car and jump into his? Does he realize he's only making me more uncomfortable by the second?

The light changes to green and I drive off as quickly as I can. But I am still left to ponder, why do guys do this? Is there a portion of the male brain that actually thinks making eyes at chicks at stoplights is going to get them laid? Can someone please enlighten me on the psychology behind the "drive-by" because this whole phenomenon is just plain baffling to me.

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the sweet itch of revenge

This morning, one of my daily e-newsletters presented me with the following link:

http://www.revengecrabs.com/

My first thought after reading this - I wonder if we're putting the nice, innocent UPS man at risk by shipping these?

DISCLAIMER: I have never had, nor given, crabs to anyone. Nor do I advocate the spread of STD's. But damn, that's some funny shit if you think about it.

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Yours + Mine = Epic Fail

Below is an email exchange between myself and the makers of KY Yours + Mine. Though I have removed the names of the not-so-innocent, I assure you all I did not make any of this up. But in the interest of full disclosure, it is a dear friend of mine who is responsible for the marketing of this product, so all emails below were sent in jest and do not reflect the views of any actual corporations. This is meant solely for your amusement.

Original email sent my me:

Dear Mr. "My Job Is To Make Sex Better For Americans",

It is with great sadness and regret that I must report the complete and total failure of your new product. The box claims an experience that is "better than just right. Completely new and unexpected. More exciting. More satisfying. More everything." Perhaps if everything were to mean nothing, this would be true. I must confess that Yours + Mine completely failed to enhance my intimate experience. In fact, it completely failed to affect my experience in any way, shape or form. My $18.99 would have been better spent on tins of Altoids and a honey bear (essentially what Yours + Mine is) or perhaps some midget porn (which would have been more inspired). I want a refund - in cash - NOW.

Hugs and kisses,
Janet and [snip]

P.S. Let this be a lesson to you - don't try to convince a hyper-sexed lunatic and [snip] that your product actually does something amazing when it can barely cause a tingle. FALSE ADVERTISING!!!! BAD MARKETER! BAD, BAD!!!!!!

P.P.S. Seriously dude, this shit is so going back to CVS.

And the response I received:

Dear Ms. [snip],

We at the [snip] corporation sincerely regret that our product failed to warm your vagina to the degree that you desired. Perhaps your vagina has been desensitized due to the frequency with which you stick things in it. Or perhaps you are just a bitch. Either way, we would like to suggest that you upgrade to another of our products, Ben Gay, to ensure that your vagina gets the “completely new and unexpected” sensation that you are seeking.

Thank you for your letter and please do not hesitate to lose our number.

Sincerely,
[snip]

And my final rebuttal:

Dear Messrs [snip],

Who is Ben and how is he supposed to satisfy my vagina if he is gay?

Kindest regards,
Janet

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being a good doggie mommy

Regular readers know that a couple of months ago, I adopted a 1 year old Pekingese mix from the pound named Bruno. Bruno has quickly become the number one man in my life, much to the amusement/chagrin of my boyfriend who likes to remind me I am not Bruno's mommy because I did not carry him in my womb. My dog is amazing and earned the top spot in my life for all the following reasons:

• Bruno is a lover, not a fighter.
• Bruno is a part Asian mutt, just like me. His dog DNA test says he is a mix of Pekingese, Cocker Spaniel and Poodle. I am still convinced he has Corgi in him because of his body shape, but whatever he is, he is awesomely adorable.
  
• Bruno loves to eat and will enjoy anything you give him. We all know how much I hate picky eaters. Plus, Bruno can really go to town on some cupcakes, just like his mommy!
• Bruno is also an "exercise bulimic." He loves to go running and hiking with me!
• Bruno has charmed the entire neighborhood! People who don't even know ME know my dog! Strangers approach all the time when I'm walking him and don't even give me a cursory glance, they just stoop down and say "Hi Bruno!" He's just uber-popular like that.
  

Never mind that I can't stop him from chewing on the furniture when I'm not looking, Bruno is my man and I love him to death!

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Dirty Thirty

Yesterday was my 30th birthday. But I swear I don't feel a day over 21 - I got carded at Costco buying wine for the party! I had the honor of being roasted by my friends in LA this Saturday. My boyfriend took the opportunity to read aloud an entry from this very blog at the event. My 7 years of singledom were very much the focus of the day. Obviously, since I started a blog about it all, I am very open about myself and my life. But that my long bout of singledom really only defined me for the last 2-3 years of it. For at least the first 2-3 years, it was just necessary. I needed the time off because I wasn't ready to be in relationship. I guess I didn't fixate on being single so much because I was pouring my energy elsewhere, actively trying NOT to be dating anyone. I started thinking after the LA roast what the NY roast is going to be like, and I realized it's going to be a totally different crowd of people who are going to tell totally different stories of my college years and my acting days. So I've decided to breakdown all the previous versions of me to help you all better understand me.

• Janet 1.0: The College Years
• It took me a long time to come out of my shell, so my exploits with men in college were pretty tame.
• Janet 2.0: The "EX" Year
• I started dating my ex pretty much right out of college when I began working at my first job in NYC. I would say that entire year pretty much revolved around him and the drama of our on-again, off-again relationship.
• Janet 3.0: The Fallout Years
• Figuring out you were completely wrong about someone you thought you loved is always hard. So I spent severals years doing lots of plays and rock climbing to channel my energy. Some very interesting times and lots of crazy stories would stem from this period in my life.
• Janet 3.1: The Uber-Fallout
• Several years of avoidance must catch up with you at some point, so I got mine back in the Fall of 2005. Luckily for me, I was able to pull myself up quickly, regroup and shift gears.
• Janet 4.0: Laid back Janet
• Laid back is a relative term here, but since moving to the West Coast, I am much calmer and more balanced. Some may find this hard to believe, but ask anyone who knew me before and they will gladly confirm this truth.

I have no idea what this new decade will bring, but I look forward to it eagerly!

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self-discovery

I was sitting out by my hot tub yesterday with a friend (tough life, yeah, I know) and we were chatting about life and relationships. We touched upon how no two relationships are the same, and how being in a relationship is often more about learning about yourself than the other person. So that made me wonder what exactly have I learned recently from being in a relationship? Here's a quick list:

• I like having someone around who reminds me each day that I'm a total dork and a spazz.
• I love my dog more than my boyfriend. The dog never makes snide remarks, nor does he ever let me drive 4 miles in the wrong direction before telling me!
  
• I'm more girlie than I like to think I am, particularly when it comes to cuddling.
• Feeding me cheesecake in bed is definitely the way to my heart.
  

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cuppy cake!

An oldie, yes. But still always brings a smile to my face! Wishing you all a happy, sugar-laden day!

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Working Girl

Remember the seminal 80's classic "Working Girl" staring Melanie Griffith before her lips looked like they were injected with Mike & Ike candies and Indiana Jones before he was shipped off to the geriatric home? Remember how gloriously fun it made having a big girl job seem? With all the sitting on Staten Island ferry reading the NY Post and posh lunches and ski trips and sexy board meetings and lots of sex and stuff? Well, I only wish real life work were so glamorous! Going to work every day sucks. After 2 years in the cocoon of grad school, I'd forgotten how much so. I mean, I worked all last summer on a regular schedule, but somehow it was different because my frame of mind was like, "well, this is only for 10 weeks so it's just temporary." But knowing that this is what I'm going to be doing now for the rest of my life is quite a shock. I mean, commuting 50 minutes or so each way is hell, even if it does entail driving up and down the PCH every day (it sounds a lot sexier than it is, really). The worst part of it all is the time demands of a full time job mean less time to myself, which means less time to work out, which means less time to hang out with friends, which means less time to sleep which mean less time to get laid! Melanie Griffith, you misled me, you evil wench!

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changes

First of all, my apologies to all for having been missing in action for so long. Things have been quite busy here. I'm going to recap the last month or so for you all, just so you don't feel left out.

Vegas, baby!
In a time-honored MBA ritual, prior to graduation, my class had our "disorientation" in Sin City. I had an AMAZING time in Vegas. Admittedly, I spent maybe 20% of the time out partying it up with my classmates and the remaining 80% of it locked in my room with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. ;)

Graduation
Yup, I graduated and am officially all done with school for life. And even better, I am employed! I have the perfect job and I start working this Monday. The boyfriend thinks I'm going to be his sugar mama now. Yeah, right.

Doggie mania!
There is a new #1 man in my life. I have fulfilled another long time dream of mine and have become a dog owner! I adopted Bruno from the Los Angeles County Animal Shelter in Carson and he is, according to the shelter, a Pekingese mix. We believe he also has some Corgi and Tibetian Spaniel in him, and he is the sweetest, best dog ever!

Additionally, as part of my search for a dog, I fell in love with the most precious Chow Chow mix puppy with an unidentified neurological disorder that left her with a constant bobbing motion to her head at the shelter in Van Nuys. She was likely going to be too big and possibly have special needs I couldn't take care of with a full time job, so I passed up on adopting her, but lucky for me, my brother was looking for another dog to adopt as a companion to his lab, Winston. I took him to see her and he adopted her and named her Charlotte. Take a look, you can't help but totally love this cutie pie!


So, in summary, I have said goodbye to one phase of my life and am beginning another. I couldn't be more excited!

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crisis of identity

Last week, I took a consumer behavior survey to help a classmate out on a class project. The topic of the survey was interracial dating. This probably seems pretty straightforward to most people, but to poor ethnically confused me, I was truly frustrated by the seemingly "black and white" answer choices on the survey. Being part Asian, I'm a little racially confuddled. I'm the self-proclaimed "chi-talian", for Pete's sake! I'm not sure what I am, or what that means as far as interracial relationships are concerned. Am I in an interracial relationship right now? I'm not sure. Am I in an interracial relationship with myself when I'm maturbating? I don't know!!!! AAAAH, my brain hurts!!!!!!!!

In a world where more and more interracial children are becoming adults, maybe we need to redefine the categories of race, or throw them out altogether. Racial boundaries become blurrier every day. I know my fellow MBA candidates mean well, but I think they are really missing the boat here with how they defined race in their survey. I answered the multiple choice questions as best I could, but they didn't reveal a tenth of the real story. So if you want to explore issues of race and cultural identity, a 10 question multiple choice survey will give you an impossibly skewed view of the issues many of us "halfie" kids grapple with on a daily basis. Think about it. In the meantime, this "chi-talian" is off to enjoy the happiest day of the year - Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day!

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Hello Kitty

I'm not sure if I'm reaching new highs or new lows of hipster coolness when I say that at the ripe old age of 29 I have developed a sudden and deep interest in all things Hello Kitty. It began as a joke. But now it's blown up into something huge - I am exploring my Asian culture via fervid searches for Hello Kitty lingerie and home furnishings. Friends, I only ask that you all please stop me short of getting the Hello Kitty smart car (I'm not making that up, it's real.)

In the meantime, please enjoy the Hello Kitty/Mortal Kombat justaposition below. (Gotta cling to my tough girl image somehow!)

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Vagina-cano: A Warning To All The Ladies

Dear female reader,

Don't ever get a Brazilian bikini wax and attempt to have sex a mere 6 hours later. Trust me, you do NOT want to experience the "vagina-cano". It will put a huge damper on your evening. Your man will laugh hysterically as you find you are unable to walk and your pleas for topical analgesics to extinguish the fire blazing through your bikini area go unanswered. You will end up nursing your crotch with a bag of ice and rounds 2 and 3 of the night will definitely be disappointingly out of the question.

For future reference, always wait at least 24 hours post-waxing before attempting a sex-a-thon. Ms. Kitty will thank you for your consideration.

Vagtastically yours,
Janet

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how not to go snowboarding off a cliff

I have definitely been caught up in the whirl of a new relationship, school, job hunting and life in general. I owe you all an update, I know, so here it goes.

First of all, I'm dating the best guy ever. Period.

Second, I still need a job. Anyone wanna hire me? I'll bring you cupcakes!

Third, unintentionally catching an edge while snowboarding and subsequently flying off a cliff and sliding 30 feet down a sheet of ice only to be finally stopped by like the 10th bush I ran over makes me very sore. I don't suggest doing it, ever, even though it was hysterically funny.

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stalked

Being a cute girl has its pluses and minuses. Sometimes, those pluses and minuses can even rolled into the same experience. I will share with you one such of these experiences now.

The other day, I took Lucy (my car) in to the Subaru dealership for a routine oil change and maintenance. It is my understanding that a high proportion of female Subaru drivers are lesbians, so being a cute straight girl with a Subaru is unusual. When I pull into the service center, I immediately have attention rained on me from all directions, which is great because a) it boosts my ego and b) I get better, faster service. All I had to do was smile and I was in and out of there in under an hour.

Now for the downside of this experience. The technician who worked on my car left his card with his cell number in my cup holder. This is mildly amusing, but not necessarily a cause for alarm. However, when I got an email from him the next day, I got a bit uncomfortable. The man Googled me. He effin' Googled me and then had the nerve to reveal to me he'd done so by emailing me! Can we say "stalker"? I am seriously disturbed by this. To get the guy off my back, I wrote him back and told him I was seeing someone. It seems to have worked, but now I'm afraid next time I take my car in, he's going to sabotage it!!!! :(

See, being cute can be a total catch-22!

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alright, enough with being so evasive...

[deep breath]

I've kinda sorta maybe been, ahem, seeing someone. Yes, shocking, I know. Even more shocking is the fact that after several weeks a) I still like him, b) he still likes me (at least I assume so, considering he still talks to me), and c) I haven't managed to sabotage myself (yet). As always, I protect third party anonymity, so no identifying details will be divulged. But I will say this is someone who is really intelligent and I absolutely love talking to him and spending time with him (both in and out of the bedroom, thank you very much). For the first time in a long time, I don't feel like I'm settling or compromising on anything. This is definite progress.

But in spite of all this, I am still frightened to death that he's going to get tired of me and dump me on my sorry ass in the blink of an eye. I am trying really hard not to let this fear overtake me, yet I can't help but be guarded. I promise to keep you all posted, but at this point, I am simply trying to keep my cool.

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back on track

So it would seem to me that I have somehow managed, for the time being at least, to reverse my bad karma.

Yes folks, yours truly seems to be getting lucky. Now the big question is - will it last??? Let's keep our fingers crossed and see...

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2008 is going to be great!

With the new year upon us, it's time to consider my goals for the upcoming year. Normally, I like to do a "year in review" around this time of the year, but this year I am not doing it. Instead of dwelling on the past, it's about time I learned to let it go and look to the future. So without further ado, here is my list of the 13 (my lucky number!) things I'd like to accomplish in 2008. Items are listed in no particular order and are of varying degrees of seriousness.

1. Steal Tony Romo away from Jessica Simpson
2. Get into the best shape of my life by my 30th birthday
   
3. Nail my crush, because school is almost over and all bets are off
4. Spend more time doing makeup and hair so as not to look like I just rolled out of bed all the time
   
5. Marry Gerard Butler and/or Edward Norton
   
6. Get really cool job that pays boatloads of money
7. Take a killer vacation upon graduation
8. Clear the clutter out of my house and get organized
   
9. Improve my surfing/rock climbing/snowboarding/golfing/dance technique/Guitar Hero skills
10. Spend more time hanging out with friends in real life and less time on Facebook
11. Find a better outlet for my creative urges
    
12. Try not to sabotage myself and be open to the possibility someone might actually just like me for me
13. Get my grubby paws on Trojan football season tickets!!!!!!!
    

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"It's been good getting to know me more." -Mandy Moore, Gardenia

Something about coming home makes me slightly nostalgic. It's a little bit like rolling back to the clock to a different time in my life because everything feels the same and all the same people are still around. I am reminded of good times, bad times, the parts of me I've tucked away in my new life that I still miss, the parts of me that didn't exist before and the parts of me that will never change.

Something about this song (coincidentally sung by my girl crush) captures what I'm feeling so much more eloquently than I can express it now, so I share both the lyrics and a live video (because music is best when it's live) with you below.

"Gardenia" written by Mandy Moore and Chantal Kreviazuk

Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It's so easy to get caught up in what I'm regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart

CHORUS:
I'm the one who likes Gardenia
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don't want to hang up the phone yet
It's been good
Getting to know me more

I've been seeing all my old friends in the city
Walking alone in Central Park
Doing all the things that I've neglected
Traded 'em all in
To be in your arms

CHORUS

Well, I hear my own voice
Sounds so silly
Keep on telling my story all around
Everything I lost seems so different
Well, this is how everybody gets found

CHORUS

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Karma's a bitch, and apparently so am I.

This is an official apology for my previous impertinence.

A whole ago, I wrote an entry bemoaning Asshole and his "micro penis". Well, I take it back. I take the whole thing back. He's maybe 80% asshole at best, and I've seen smaller penises.

From now on, I vow not to say mean things about people, because clearly I'm being punished for my big mouth. I know you're wondering why, and well, in light of my previous statement, I cannot divulge details. But I say it's safe to say that I've been paid back for being so nasty.

Bottom line: I'm still an attractive girl who can't get laid in LA to save her life. Bleh.

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"Sometimes my skin's so thick it's frail" -Nelly Furtado, "Childhood Dreams"

I know this entry is overdue. I could say I've been too busy to write it, but that would only be a half truth. So what's the other half of the truth? Keep reading.

Paradox. I define the word as life's way of keeping you simultaneously completely on and off track. It's what keeps life interesting. Hence, the title of this entry. I'm just marveling at how things really do happen when you least expect them, and how awesome that is.

I know what you're thinking - "Janet, quit with the existential blather and just get on with it already!" Alrighty then.

Last night, I had the nicest date I've had in years. Somewhere out there, there's an adage that says something to the effect of you'll find what you're looking for when you just stop looking. Well, it's not entirely accurate since I haven't been actively looking for quite some time. But the upside is I do think I've finally met someone I actually like. In interest of keeping my promise of maintaining third party anonymity on this blog (in addition to my desire not to jinx the whole thing!), I will not divulge any details, though I will say the following 3 things - 1) he can string together complete sentences using complex vocabulary, 2) he likes that I am slightly insane, and 3) he's a good kisser. Yes, these are all good things, and hopefully the streak will continue. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!!!

Finally, in a Janet-style non sequitur, since I referenced my girl Nelly Furtado in the title of this blog entry, I though I'd share with you below a clip of Nelly's cover of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" - so beautiful!

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This is MY blog...

...and I'm taking it back! I am a girl with a blog. I like my blog. I like having my outlet to unleash the insanity that is my life. So to hell with you all who've been giving me a hard time about it today. I'll say what I want, when I want. Too bad for you if you don't like it or if you don't like me; the only person I answer to is myself.

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boring, boring, boring

Sorry I've been missing in action lately. I've been busy with school, my job hunt, and being sick. But don't worry, I'm back now. And actually, I was out on a date tonight. It was essentially a blind date - I'd never met the guy before, and he asked about me after seeing my pic on a mutual contact's myspace page. Nice enough guy, but it was pretty uneventful and unexciting.

In general, I don't do well with blind dates. I think this is because I usually crave someone who's just a little bit insane. Nice, normal guys just don't do it for me. If I liked nice, normal guys, life would be simple. But no, I always like the crazies and the jerks. At least they make for more provocative blog entries.

Oh well, I suppose I could spice up my life with a plane ticket, $120 worth of Penn gear and a willingness to use my tongue...such a shame that I don't have the money to do so because I had to go out and buy myself the full Rock Band set for my 360. But it was SO worth it - between the Wii, Guitar Hero and this, I'll be completely fulfilled and I'll never have to leave the house again!

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lacka-DATE-sical self-sabotage: the most personally revealing entry I'll ever write

I have received some indignant responses from someone I have written about in this blog. Let me be upfront here - I stand by everything I say and I do not take any of it back. What I write is what I am thinking at that moment in time. While my opinion may change over time, this does not change what I thought in the past. What I said was what I meant to say at the time and it stays, as written, no remorse and no retractions. I might not say the most flattering things all the time, but I call like I see it. I don't mean any harm, just being honest. That being said, I am about to give you all a little glimpse into my psyche.

The last time I went out on a normal date was about a year ago. I refused to have sex with the guy the first night and, of course, I never heard from him again. Now admittedly, the only people I really spend any time with are ones I go to school with, and we all know by now about my "don't shit where you eat rule" so my dating pool is basically completely dried up for the time being. I am ok with this, mostly because I have to be since I created this situation. Sometimes, I wish I could just be normal and go out on a nice normal date with someone new, just to experience the thrill of all that is - first dates, first laughs, first kisses, first everythings.

But then the reality hits that I am just lazy. I'm too lazy to find those firsts. Too lazy to go out there and actually find someone new to share all this with. Friends have asked me what I've done to try to meet men. In my defensive answer I rattle off lists of all the places I go where I can meet people, all the activities I do where I can meet people and the online dating sites I've tried in the past, followed by my vehement insistence that I am simply too picky, too smart, too "difficult", too outspoken, too outgoing, or too something or other to find someone who will "put up with me." This is all a lie. It's a vicious, terrible lie.

The truth is, I am closed for business. Before you even meet me, you don't even stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting past the gate. Sure, I might smile, sass, flirt and fuck you, but you'll never get to know ME - the real me - filled with fear, hurt and insecurity. Why is this? It's because I don't actually want someone new - what I really truly want is someone old, comfortable and familiar. I don't want to put forth the time, the energy or the effort into investing in someone new because I am so battered and so bruised from my previous interactions that I just can't find it in me to put forth that tiny shred of trust that's necessary. This is why I'm more likely to have phone sex with my married ex, because at least that doesn't require me to give up any more of myself to someone. My Favorite already has a huge chunk of me. He didn't ask for it, I just gave it to him. And whether he wants it or not, he gets to keep that part of me, forever. Maybe that's why I keep wanting to go back for more - so if for even a brief moment, I can be reunited with that part of myself I so desperately miss. I never wrote in this blog the full story of what happened between he and I, and I never will. There are some things that are just left for the two of us to know - our own private demons that obviously haunt us so deeply to this day, yet for the purposes of our everyday lives, are buried under mounds of guilt and hurt and regret and shoved into the cobwebbed corners of our minds. My Favorite isn't the only one that carries around a piece of me. There are others, each with a different piece, of varying importance and size. It is all these little pieces of myself that have broken off and scattered around the globe that I am drawn to, mostly because I want them back. I want to put all the pieces back together again so I can finally feel whole.

Coming back around full circle to my opening of this entry, to the person I have blogged about who took such offense in my words, I have but one request for you - don't. Don't be offended by anything I say, as I clearly have serious issues. I can be a smarmy, sarcastic bitch most of the time. That side of me that you are seeing, the one that you have every right to dislike, is my shield. Sharp words and witty comebacks are my defense mechanism for my shattered self and while it may not be the right thing to do, it's all I've got. So I cling to it for dear life and move onward as best I can.

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What do you get...

...when you take the stomach flu, roll it into horrific near deadline misses you have little to no control over, add a pinch of 2nd round interview notification anxiety, on top of mounds of work you can't possibly get done, with a side of about 40 female MBA students from across the country, a sprinkle of free sneakers and dinners, a dash of resurfacing Assholes and Boy Toys, and top it all off with a Lindsay Lohan sighting? Throw it all in a pot, bring to a rolling boil and, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the past 5 days of my life.

I'm too tired to plot it all out detail by detail right now, but the above recipe sums it up rather nicely.

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