the devil is in the details

Tonight, my treasured football team lost for the first time in 6 seasons in the Coliseum. Ironically enough, this loss was to the same team who last defeated us on home turf - Stanford. Our guys, ranked #2 in the nation, just broke a 35 game winning streak at home to a team that isn't even ranked. Even after our devastating loss to the Bruins last year at the Rose Bowl, the Trojans have yet to learn their lesson - never underestimate your opponent. I was among the thousands of fans who left the stadium stunned. Some will say a loss like this was long overdue to a cocksure 'SC. Others, will express anger and frustration at the team and the coach. And still others, like me, will attempt to drown their disappointment and sorrows in a fat pint of cold brew.

The Trojan football team and I have much in common. We have both been rolling along, confident in our own abilities and our own superiority, since 2001 in spite of the numerous failures and upsets that have occurred since. Because up until now, we've never lost quite so poignantly. The Trojans just had their reckoning tonight. And mine is on its way. I went to drown my sorrows over the game tonight with one of my buddies whose advances I've been steadily rebuffing. And my reason for the rebuff is all in details like the fact I don't think he's fully broken up with his ex, or my "principles" about "not shitting where I eat". But I'm starting to wonder if I'm blindsiding myself into not seeing the big picture. Maybe I owe it to myself to take that step back and realize that eventually, the streak (in the Trojans case, good luck and in mine, bad luck) has to be broken.

I'm on the brink of losing everything and nothing, simultaneously. I've been saying that I am tired of fussing around, and I'm ready to have a real relationship again. Yet, I'm not really doing anything to bring that about. I sit around doing exactly what I have been doing for the past 6 years - I push people away. I find an excuse and I use it to push people away. I harp on the little details without even letting myself look at the big picture. Instead, I waste my time and energy on knowingly impossible and improbable men. Sooner or later, that attitude is going to cost me someone who truly cares about me because the fact of the matter is I've probably been taking this person for granted for quite some time without even realizing it. Well, unlike the Trojans, I'm going to try to take my head out of the sand before I have to suffer agonizing defeat. Now all I need to do is figure out how to accomplish this...I suppose I need my own version of "Big Balls Pete" to coach me through it. Any volunteers?