"I don't own emotion, I rent" -Rent

Things have been rather uneventful this weekend (although on a side note, I did find myself some good pie). I blame Harry Potter for the lack of human contact. Why would anyone want to come out and play when you can lock yourself in your house and try to gobble up 759 pages in 48 hours? Well, I for one did not even come close to finishing the book. I never was one to rush, and besides, I start going cross-eyed at a certain point from having my nose buried in a book. So, with no one to hang out with, I of course was able to spend some time in contemplation of my whirlwind week.

After a wild phone sex episode, My Favorite has gone back to avoiding me (surprise, surprise). I got very stern warning after texting him during the "So You Think You Can Dance" results show that he "shouldn't be getting texts from another woman, ya know". Actually, no, I don't know. My text to him was about the dancers on the show and NOTHING else. I don't see the problem here, but obviously in his eyes there is one. As always, he thinks we're not allowed to be friends. It really took me years to understand why he is like this, but I made my peace with it the last time around. My Favorite simply won't let me be friends with him. Inasmuch as I was totally gaga over this boy when I was 21, at 29, I'm a totally different person and though I look back fondly, I have moved so far beyond all that happened between us. But I am one of these crazy girls who likes to keep all her exes as friends. This is something like the 17th time I've tried to reach out to My Favorite as a friend and it's the 17th time he's pushed me away. This time is only different because I think I finally figured out why he does this. I mentioned in my earlier post that I never realized before how deeply I had impacted this boy. Well, clearly I've so deeply impacted him that he masturbates to the thought of me yet cannot be friends with at the same time. I'm no longer a person in his eyes, merely a fantasy and a memory that I know now will haunt him until his dying day. There was so much he could have done in the past 8 years to change that, yet he didn't and he pushed me away every time. Now he has his fresh start with a blank slate. And I can do nothing but pity the man.